The dread of 'About me'
Hi, I’m Curtis. That is certain*.
All the other stuff, well, I’m not to sure how to describe.
I’ve had this thing in my diary for weeks, actually months, and it keeps getting moved back - it’s called, ‘New work planning’.
I know exactly why I’m avoiding it, because the thought of selling myself, my skills and ideas fills me with dread.
And I know there are a ton of useful books and blogposts out there about working this stuff out, connecting with what you love doing, finding purpose etc etc - and I’ve drunk from those like a dehydrated hiker in the past - but I just can’t do that again, I don’t feel like I’ve got the energy to go through that process, because I’m not sure it would be that useful right now. To be honest, it would be a distraction, another way to procrastinate - like buying a gadget, or investing in a new bit of software in the hope it will give me what I need.
What I do know is that I’m proud of what I’ve been doing over the past few years - I just wish I knew how to describe it in a way that people that might need what I do could connect with easily and simply, you know, like Graphic designer (not belittling graphic designers at all).
Right now I’m procrastinating on writing down what I do, partly because it’s not in my nature to brag or shout about what I do. Maybe I’ll start and see what happens.
In the last 24 months I’ve
Researched, written and co-produced a series of audio podcasts about gaming, streaming and charity
Co-authored an ethnographic book, a photo essay about teaching
Designed and run an autoethnographic research project right at the start of the pandemic with a group running a pub which became a meals on wheels service (and they have just one a big award)
Researched, directed and produced four films about community work across England
Co founded a campaign group to make education better in East Brighton
Supported the production of an excellent 6 part audio podcast series about the future running away with itself
Designed and run an auto ethnographic project supporting carers and the cared for across the UK in documenting their experiences during the pandemic
Moved from Brighton to the Lake District to live
Started making some short films about the Crew Club - a community centre in East Brighton
Produced a number of live webinars for clients around the world
————
I’m proud of that list, but, it still doesn’t feel clear enough what it is I do. There is so much there, and I worry it makes me come across like a jack of all trades, but expert in nothing.
It makes me laugh when I think back to the ways I describe myself if someone asks - hasn’t happened that often recently because of the pandemic. The list includes
Photographer
Podcast writer and producer
Film maker
Ethnographic researcher
Ethnographic photographer
Activist
But still none of those things really encapsulates what is is I do, or what I actually want to do.
One of my favourite things is listening to peoples stories, and then working out how to help them share those stories. I think that is a theme in a bunch of the things I’ve listed above. For instance, I do a lot of interviews for my work. I love researching and planning the interview, but not as much as I love doing the interview itself. Not all interviews are equal, and it is as much my responsibility if one doesn’t go as well as I would have hoped. But, I love the interviews that stray from the path, and end up feeling like a conversation with someone you have a mutual trust with (not suggesting that can happen in a 45 min interview, I’m talking more about the sense of it rather than reality).
Some of my favourite moments this year have been during conversations with carers, gamers and people running amazing community projects - when that conversation feels effortless, as if anything that can get in the way has been removed.
Dear reader, how would you describe me? Answers in the comment section please.
*I am a twin, and I’ve always wondered if anyone in my family muddled us up when we were babies - so maybe not so certain.
